Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
