no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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