I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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