We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
