I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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