I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize