Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
