i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
