Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
