So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize