I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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