Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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