he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
