I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
