he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
