i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
