I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
