i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
