he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
