so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
