what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
