Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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