i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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