Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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