Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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