in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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