I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
