Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
40s are totally the cure
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize