We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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