So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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