I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
