found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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