those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
