tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
