I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i will never coherently bang her
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
