Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
