when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
