All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
