You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
