went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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