my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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