Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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