I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
