so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
