So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
