We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
