if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
