I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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