Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
