he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
