Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
