Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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