Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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