how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
