so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
