I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
