You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
