So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
