I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize