Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
