It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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