I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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