What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
