omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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