i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
