can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize