I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
