she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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