I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
