My first STD was from a foam party
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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