when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
birth control should be required to get into college
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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