Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
