I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
