It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
