And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
