Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
