In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
