I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
