You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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